Last time we considered how the good news about Jesus can change our relationships. Today, I want to look, in particular, at how it can transform a marriage. The Bible’s teaching on marriage today is drowned out by so many other voices. A search for books on marriage at Amazon returns more than 50,000 titles. With all of these books on the subject, you’d think that marriages today must be better than ever. The reality is that the opposite is the case. The Bible holds out hope, but even as Christians turn to its teaching on marriage, they can forget the gospel as they read. They can stumble on God’s commands without leaning on any of His grace. One of the principles of gospel living that we looked at two weeks ago was starting with what God has done before moving on to what we do. Let’s see how that gets played out in the Bible’s teaching on marriage.
When people just start with what the Bible says to do, they stumble at the Bible’s teachings on marriage because it calls wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives. Neither of these commands seems helpful because submission is viewed as some kind of cowering subservience from an inferior and the call to love sounds like the husbands get off easy with a simple expectation of affection. If this was what the Bible is teaching, it could rightly be criticized.
However, if we start with the call to a wife’s submission, we see, first of all, that it’s set in the context of a wholly positive view of submission. In fact, before wives are urged to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22), there is a more general call for all believers to submit to one another “out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). So, the idea is that submission is a positive, even attractive quality in relationships and it is motivated by a love for who Jesus is and what He has done. But how can submission be viewed so positively? Isn’t it a mark of inequality and domination? Enter the gospel. As we ask what Jesus has done that might give grace and help in understanding and applying this concept, Paul’s words in Philippians 2:8 offer a clue, “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Jesus submitted to the Father and went to the cross to save us. We’re reminded of Jesus prayer in the garden, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” There are equality and harmony and loving perfection in the godhead, and yet Jesus gladly submits to the Father and so secures the salvation of the world. Christians owe everything to the eager submission of Jesus to the Father and so we’re not surprised to see God calling for submission in marriage. His submission motivates our own. And the amazing blessings that flowed to us from Jesus’ submission give us hope for what God might accomplish as we imitate His humility.
The gospel framework that defines the command for husbands to love their wives is even more explicit. In Ephesians 5:25, after calling husbands to love their wives, Paul immediately describes how Jesus loved the church. It removes the word, “love,” from the realm of mere sentimentalism or romanticism. Before husbands love their wives, they are to reflect on how Jesus loved them. Jesus demonstrated His love most clearly in sacrificing his life for the church. He paid the ultimate price and died for us, even in the face of rejection, betrayal and sin. A husband is called to profound sacrifice, meeting his wife’s needs as he would his own (Ephesians 5:29) and showing loyalty to her above all other human relationships (Ephesians 5:31). He’s commanded to understanding his wife and showing honour and sensitivity towards her (1 Peter 3:7). This kind of love doesn’t come naturally to most men! But it is born in the gospel as Christ’s sacrificial love is believed, received and reflected in the marriage.
Our marriages may need many things, but more fundamentally they need more Jesus – they need more gospel. What are some of the issues you face in your marriage? What are some of the biblical teachings that you struggle with? What would it mean to see them through the lens of the gospel? How could what Jesus has done for you give you the strength to do what He would want you to do for your spouse? We bring Jesus into our marriage not just by asking Him to do things to change it, but by finding power to face it by gratefully reflecting on all that He’s done for us in the gospel.
In awe of Him,
Paul
