I’ve enjoyed getting to know Michael and Nami of “Mike & Nami +.” They’re thoughtful Christians who have made their mark and their living on Instagram and YouTube. We invited them to speak recently at our church on the theme, “Journey From Online Addiction to Online Business.” They helped me to understand some of the dynamics involved in digital addiction and also some of the factors that can help in a person’s recovery. Their story is one of hope not only because they both radiate vitality and joy, but because they have seen such dramatic change in their lives.
Michael, for example, admits to playing video games for more than 80 hours per week in high school. It had become an obsession that resulted, at one point, in him failing or dropping more than half of his courses. At 18, he moved out of his parents’ home and into a basement apartment. It was a sobering move that forced him to take responsibility for his life and look for a job to support himself. He began looking for work but found, not surprisingly perhaps, that employers weren’t clamouring to hire him given his academic record in high school. Then he was hit by a computer virus that effectively shut down his access to the internet. With no job and no internet, he spent long periods doing nothing. Perhaps experiencing classic symptoms of withdrawal, he felt numb and hopeless. Thankfully, he began to read the Bible. Having been raised in a Christian home, he knew to look for help in the Scriptures, but reading didn’t come easily. With an immersion in the rapid imagery of video games, focusing on the words in a book was hard. God eventually broke through. He found in the Word of God both conviction about the lifestyle he was living as well as hope in the grace of a God who loves the undeserving. He went on to complete a triple bachelor’s degree in Sociology, Human Services and Social Work and, now as a father of three, is pursuing a master’s degree in theological studies.
Having come out the other side of digital addiction, Michael has reflected on some of the factors that contribute to it as well as those that help in recovery. Let me share some of the lessons that I learned from a workshop he gave at a local wellness conference (watch online here).
1. Meet the needs that feed the addiction.
With the World Health Organization now having declared “gaming disorder” as a behavioural addiction, it’s becoming clear that excessive time spent online isn’t just a symptom of laziness. Michael shared how video games became the means for him to meet his most basic needs. He talked about how time spent online brought with it respect and status from fellow players as well as friendship and a sense of belonging. As a result, banning the behaviour without addressing the needs that feed it is likely to backfire. He talked about how important it is for parents to invest in relational time with their children and express affirmation and hope for them. Showing love through words, gifts, service, time and touch gives children security. Hearing phrases like, “I’m proud of you,” and, “I love you,” particularly from a father, can go a long way in helping a child feel less needy and vulnerable online. On the other hand, he talked about how stress, loneliness and personal or spiritual stagnation can create an environment that will feed an addiction. While the circumstances with each child may differ, the root needs to be addressed not just the fruit.
2. Unmask the shame that blocks the help we need.
Michael shared that one of the things that contributed to his addiction was that shame kept him from admitting his problem. He talked about how important it is for the family and the church to be able to handle ‘real sin.’ If we believe we all fall short of God’s glory, then we shouldn’t be horrified when we discover that someone really has fallen. If we are, it will send the message that we’re really not ready to deal with serious sin issues. He encouraged those who are struggling with addiction to have access to people in the church who can address their issues with respect, humility and confidentiality.
3. Treat it as a spiritual problem, not just a video game problem.
Finally, Michael reminds people that online addiction is ultimately a spiritual problem. Video games or YouTube videos can become idols in people’s hearts when they give them the devotion that God alone deserves. Giving up an idol becomes so much more difficult if we don’t have the powerful, living God of the Scriptures to replace it with. He encourages parents to focus on the child’s relationship with God instead of just dealing in isolation with the time spent online.
Like any issue, the factors are complex and the recovery is seldom straightforward. But hearing stories of the hope that God brings and the wisdom that He gives is encouraging regardless of what we might be facing. May God arm all of us to protect our own hearts and bring help to others who struggle with the pull of digital excess.
In awe of Him,
Paul
