Spiritual abuse can occur in a marriage, a parent-child relationship, and in the church and other religious settings. It’s powerful because it feeds on the guilt and shame that we can all experience and uses the Scriptures to assert control rather than to minister. If you’re being oppressed with the Bible, you need more than just someone else’s words – you need the clarity of the Word of God itself to discern what’s happening. Here are some Scriptures to use and questions to ask to discern spiritual abuse.
If you’ve seen the heartache and struggles of those who find themselves married to an abusive spouse, you’d do anything to try to help someone avoid that kind of pain. The problem is that most people have no idea that their spouse will turn out to be abusive until after the wedding. When you’re dating someone, there are so many things that you’re learning about the other person. And the excitement and thrill of being in love inevitably cloud your judgment and keep you from seeing things that you might otherwise notice. In her excellent book, “Is It Abuse?” Darby Strickland defines what the root of oppression is and gives a premarital assessment designed to help you identify the warning signs of abuse before it happens. Let me share some of the insights that stood out to me.
The most common term to refer to church leaders in the New Testament is “elder,” but it sounds foreign because we value youth so much today. The tech revolution has deemed most people who are over 30 as out-of-date, and so calling leaders “elders” seems to require that they be old and traditional. There’s value in holding onto the term, though. While it doesn’t demand a certain age, designating Christian leaders as “elders” does draw attention to the value of time as a necessary preparation for the role. In response to the question, “How old do you have to be to become an elder?” the Bible seems to answer in several ways.
We all know that Christian leadership is different than leadership in other areas. We’re not surprised to see certain requirements that you wouldn’t see, for example, in a senior management position. But there’s always been one requirement that seemed out of place. The qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 both list “hospitality.” Can you imagine being interviewed for an executive role and being asked about your grilling skills and the frequency of your dinner parties? Is that what’s required of an elder? Why is hospitality one of the essentials of Christian leadership?
If you can smile and make conversation on a Sunday morning and are willing to volunteer to help, chances are someone will eventually ask you to lead. How do you know if you’re ready? Just smiling and putting up your hand surely aren’t the qualifications. Then again, a Christian is someone who admits that they’re a sinner in need of God’s grace, so you probably don’t have to be perfect to be a Christian leader. In the case of an elder, the lines are drawn pretty clearly in Scripture. We looked last time at the first of those qualifications: integrity. Today, let’s consider self-control from 3 different angles.
What should you do if you’re asked to serve as an elder? Do you decide on the basis of related work experience? Is there an x-factor you should know about? Is it a question of who has the strongest opinions or whether you think you could make better decisions than the current elders? The Bible gives a clear benchmark, and the starting point is integrity. But it’s not just a requirement of elders. It’s the goal of all discipleship and should characterize every believer. We all need to work on integrity whether we’re ever asked to becoming leaders or not. The Christian version of integrity is slightly different than how people typically conceive of it, though. Let me explain.
Japan isn’t known for its level of English proficiency, but there’s a 3-word phrase that will elicit a knowing smile from almost any Japanese person wherever you go in the country. The phrase is, “Boys, be ambitious,” and it came from the farewell address that William Smith Clark made after an 8-month stint as head of the Sapporo Agricultural College in 1877. Today, there are statues of Clark bearing the phrase and a painting in the state capitol building in Sapporo with a full text of his speech. Clark was a devout Christian but is the phrase by which he’s remembered Christian? Should a Christian be ambitious? Or was this just an export of American capitalism? I think the answer is yes and no, depending on how we define the term. Let me explain.
Every so often, something will happen to trigger a national conversation about injustice against Indigenous Peoples in Canada. Sometimes, it’s the disappearance or death of an Indigenous woman that doesn’t seem to have been adequately investigated. Other times, it’s a dispute over a land claim. This summer, it was the reports of the graves of Indigenous children associated with residential schools that brought the conversation to a head. When this happens, people search for ways to respond. For some, that has meant anger or vandalism. For others, politicization or indifference. And some have responded with hashtags, T-shirts, and land acknowledgements. Over the last number of months, I have sought to listen. I’ve listened to the partners we support in Indigenous ministry. I’ve listened to the findings of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. I’ve read the Calls to Action. And I’ve tried to ask: How should we respond? Let me share what I’ve heard.
There’s a tendency to oversimplify people’s reasons for not getting the COVID-19 vaccine. Some people are late adopters with everything. They don’t rush into any decisions let alone ones with such big consequences. Others fear the reliability of a vaccine development process that feels rushed. For others, the decision has been influenced by political division and mistrust. Unfortunately, a huge amount of misinformation has also clouded people’s thinking.
I have deliberately avoided speaking about vaccines because I feel it’s a medical decision and therefore best made in consultation with your doctor, not your pastor. There are some Christians however who have avoided getting the COVID-19 vaccine for spiritual reasons. While believers may disagree on the application of biblical principles, I don’t feel that I’m doing my job as your pastor if I don’t try to make clear some of the related teachings of the Bible, as best I understand them.
I was on a road trip with my two sons and something they said led me to share a very personal story. I went into detail about what happened, what I’d learned, and how it had such an impact on me. As I came to the end, I looked over at my sons, half-hoping to see wide-eyed expression of wonder and awe. They were both fast asleep! Communicating with children is hard. Let me share some tips from the Bible about how to speak in a way that reaches your child.
