Many couples begin their relationships giddy and excited about each other. Love comes easily and romance feels natural. Along the way, many people find that love hard to maintain. What started as a blaze feels more like a flicker. How do you rekindle your love, and what can you do to make sure the flame never dims?

I think we do want someone who will love us just the way that we are. But we also need someone who loves us enough to help us grow and mature as well. So instead of asking, “Will this person fit into my life and not change me?” maybe there are some better questions we need to ask.

Today, couples are cutting ties over poor hygiene, meddling in-laws, and refusing to clean toilets. But obviously, there are far more serious issues at stake also. What are the deal breakers in marriage? How you answer that question depends mostly on how you understand marriage.

While every person’s experience of grief is unique and the process of healing is seldom neat or straightforward, I felt the steps that I had heard that day were ones I wanted to hold onto and seek God for the strength to take when my turn eventually comes.

When another person won’t open up, it’s often because they don’t feel safe to do so. Maybe you’ve had this conversation before, and it didn’t end well. Maybe you’ve made your views painfully clear, and your views felt a little painful! Maybe the person fears how you’ll respond. There are a number of ways to handle this.

When we avoid hard conversations, problems go unaddressed, and tensions rise. These three principles help me to approach difficult conversations with humility and grace.

As we’re listening to someone, we often try to fit things into stories we’ve heard before. Sometimes, we turn to stories that accurately reflect reality and they help us to quickly assess the situation. Other times, we turn to stories that hijack the conversation and prevent us from finding a healthy resolution. Consider some of the stories that most commonly sabotage the talks that we have.

When we find ourselves in conversations about issues that are important to us, it’s easy to lose out to our worst tendencies. Our words can degrade into sarcasm and discussions can end with door slamming. Consider some of the things that can make conversations go sideways and what to do instead.

When a conversation feels awkward, my instinct is to clam up and withdraw. Other people push forward and say things they regret. These principles help both types have more productive conversations about the things that matter.

Church membership isn’t a marriage vow. But there are similar dynamics at play. We make basic commitments to one another because we believe they help preserve our faith. And the commitments we make help to clarify how we’re to be family to one another.